A private blog for my w-rants, writes and arts.

Saturday, September 02, 2017

Baby on board — Kickass Car Sticker abuse!

This world is not my place! Apologies God, but I believe I deserve better nau. Okay, there you have it, a catchy attention getting opener. But it still doesn't change the fact that this world is a big sack of fuc.... Oh... I just realized I have a tongue twister. I dare you to say "Kickass car sticker abuse," ten times and send it as a voice note to my WhatsApp, 08177522712, and win yourself a recharge card, and maybe a book, my book.

Phew. That said, let me introduce you to today's w-rant. When I was a kid, I observed a particular trend on people's cars, cut into different shades of 'yellow' mostly, screaming BABY ON BOARD. I read so much of it growing up till I got to the, Oh, spare me, I'm bored! level.

I was a curious little boy and I oftentimes wanted to understand why something worked the way it did. So, whenever I see the sticker on cars, I would try to actually peep through and see if there's a baby on board. 98% of those times, I would find grown ups sitting behind wheels, fighting traffic and economic depression, with a car bearing that sticker.

Very recently I saw a car bearing the sticker again and God told me, "Princely, peep." I said "God, but I'm not Tom," he said go ahead. Slowly, I stretched my neck out in gossip (IDK if it's still gossip if God told you to do it) and there was this man, the size of an adult buffalo, (I'm not even body shaming, I'm being honest here) struggling with his seat belt that was almost a suicide rope, fiddling with the wheels. Once again, no baby.

You see, the BABY ON BOARD tag started flourishing in the market around 1985 by a company named Baby 1st — that later went fully into infant and childcare products. The sign is used to tell other road users that there is a BABY in the car and they should thread with caution when driving around such cars. Also, in case of accidents, this is to tell people that there's a baby in the car, in case they just want to save Papa/Mama Bear and leave. Hello, there's an infant that may be stuck between car seats.

But like the Internet, this feature has been abused overtime by a lot of people. Some have written parodies of the sticker as against its primary purpose. 'Mother-in-law in trunk' is one of the popular parodies.

In Nigeria! You should see people who use Baby on board. Some of these folks have entered menopause. Please wo/man, you're not a baby, you're just a fifty year old wo/man pretending to be young — & spare me the talk about men not entering men-opause.

The Nigerian parodies now carry the tags of different professions. 'I'm a lawyer.' 'Doctor driving.' 'I be wale mecho.' Who cares?

Apart from the many other road rules which many drivers do not know, this is another very important one which should be noted. These stickers are not for pranks or for making you feel young all over, the stickers have purposes. Let the purposes be achieved in peace.

My thought cloud is telling me, "these people will not listen." But nah. God has told me to say it, and I will. The last time God told me to say something and I failed, I slept off after getting dressed for a Jollof rice spoiled Owambe party.

Ugh. Dry jokes! But point should be noted regardless.
Dear road users, road signs are as important as road rules. Don't confuse us with a tag and a pot belly please. We need to start taking these things seriously.
And as a (religious) Nigerian, let me finish this post with, MAY GOD HELP YOU TO CHANGE.

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